


눈치

by tbzkevin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Poly, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, chensung - Freeform, markhyuck, norenmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-28 19:59:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17189438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbzkevin/pseuds/tbzkevin
Summary: 눈치- nunchi; a korean concept signifying the subtle art and ability to listen and gauge others' moods





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay i have no clue where the inspiration came for this but oh well. i've never really wrote an angst fic before so this will be a first... and of course i had to pick the purest ship in nct smh

jisung gasped for air as he bolted up from his bed. his hand clutched his chest, feeling the slow rise of his chest as he took air in and let it out. he checked the watch on his wrist; it read 2:48. the black haired male rubbed his face, deciding to get up. he threw the blanket off himself, standing up and throwing on random clothes. his eyes were heavy with sleep, begged him to go back to bed. but jisung knew what would happen if he went back to bed. he'd get the same nightmare, and he doesn't want to relive that.

he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and quickly called up jaemin. while the phone was ringing, jisung was fumbling to put his shoes on. he rubbed his face again; probably a good idea to wash his face, that might wake him up. jaemin didn't answer his phone, but then again it was nearly three in the morning. jisung thought about who would be up: mark and donghyuck would be dead asleep, and if jaemin is asleep then so are renjun and jeno. 

"chenle," jisung said aloud, whipping his phone out of his pocket and quickly dialing chenle's number. jisung drummed his fingers against the sink, anxiously waiting for chenle to pick up.

"sung? want me to come get you," chenle asked, voice groggy, but it didn't sound like he just woke up. he's probably been awake for hours and couldn't fall asleep. jisung's eyes widened for a second before nodding. he knew chenle couldn't see the action, but chenle knew the answer nonetheless. 

"i'll be there in five. be ready," chenle hung up, causing jisung to sigh deeply. he rested his head against the mirror above the sink, playing with his hands before standing back up. he looked at himself in the mirror; he looked like a wreck. his eyes were puffy, hair disheveled, shirt wrinkled. he tore his gaze away from himself, heading downstairs after shutting the upstairs lights off. he grabbed the house keys, hoping taeil wouldn't mind. 

see, jisung lives with his friend, taeil. taeil is practically the only parent figure in his life. his parents just up and left one day, and it devastated jisung. but after a while, jisung grew used to not having his parents around. his lived with mark and donghyuck for a little bit before taeil offered his home to the younger. jisung agreed in a heartbeat, and moved in that same week. taeil welcomed him with open arms, and he was much more relaxed than his parents used to be. taeil practically lets jisung do whatever, as long as it's nothing illegal. well, taeil doesn't know if jisung does that stuff anyway.

the night was hot and muggy, and jisung desperately wanted to take his shirt off just to cool down. but soon, chenle would be there with the car and air conditioning, so he decided against it. 

after about a minute of waiting, the front yard was lit up by car lights, and chenle rolled the window down.

"get in, loser. we're going to the beach," chenle smiled, leaning over and opening the passenger door. jisung sighed a breath of relief. he crawled in, strapping himself in the seatbelt. chenle chuckled, putting the car in reverse and drove down the driveway that lead to the main street. traffic was dead at this time, which made it all the better. chenle turned right onto the road in the direction of the beach. going to the beach was a thing chenle and jisung did by themselves. the beach had a special place in both their lives, as they would go there with family. it was a way for them to calm down back then, and still works today.

"was it that dream again," chenle asked, placing his left hand on the steering wheel so he could reach into the center console to get a cigarette. jisung watched him, reaching into the glove box to find the lighter. chenle held out the cigarette, and jisung lit it. the light of the flame was nothing compared to the moon, but it made chenle's features stand out. the green haired boy brought the cigarette up to his lips, then handed it to jisung, who took a drag of it happily. 

"yea, same one. second time this week," jisung responded after a little bit, head resting on the car door. chenle stole a glance at the younger male before going back to focusing on the road. they took turns with the cigarette before chenle threw it out the window and rolled the window back up. 

"only one, okay," chenle softly said, both hands resting on the steering wheel. jisung nodded his head, having the sudden urge to smoke another one, but knew he shouldn't. jisung decided to watch the houses pass by, even though there weren't a whole lot of them. he would see a deer every now and again and he desperately wanted to pet one. maybe one day he'll get to. 

"we're here, punk. let's go swimming," chenle smiled, shutting the car off. jisung looked at him with a shocked expression.

"don't worry. i brought an extra pair. c'mon," chenle climbed out of the car and went to the back seat, pulling out a bag with clothes in it. he handed his to jisung, then turned around. jisung took a deep breath before he took his shirt off, then the pants he was wearing. he threw on the swim trunks and put his clothes back in the bag. chenle turned back around and did the same. 

"race ya," jisung challenged before taking off. he heard chenle laugh behind him, both of them beelining it for the ocean. the moon hit the water beautifully, almost a mirror image. they reached the water at the same time, jisung stalling because of the temperature of it. chenle dove into it as jisung watched, hands at his sides, his finger tips getting splashed by the cold ocean water. 

"c'mon, sung, relax," chenle said as he approached the younger, splashing a little bit of water on him. jisung squealed at the sudden cold on his skin, and splashed chenle back. chenle laughed and started to chase jisung around on the beach. in the end, they laid next to each other on a few towels chenle had in his car. jisung was laying on chenle's lap, playing with the sand, letting it fall in between his fingers. chenle was watching the waves hit the shore, mind wandering to what it was like in the ocean at night. he thought about the whales, the turtles, the dolphins, everything. he thought about how lonely they must be, and he suddenly felt happy to be there with jisung.

"you okay? you look distant," jisung asked, looking up at chenle with worry on his face. chenle's head snapped down to look at jisung, eyes widened a little. he didn't even realize he was staring at nothing.

"yea, i'm good. just thinking about life," chenle sighed, head lolling onto his shoulder. jisung hummed, reaching to touch chenle's torso gently, as if to remind him he's here. chenle smiled before rolling his head back to look at the sky. stars dusted the darkness, and once again chenle got to thinking about how dark and cold and lonely space was. 

"why don't we just sleep in the car? i really don't want to go back to reality," jisung said sometime later, after he got off chenle's lap. chenle studied the younger's face, worried about him. jisung gave chenle a smile, reaching up to gently pinch the green haired boy's cheek. chenle smiled fondly, standing up and offering a hand to the younger. jisung took it, both of them exchanging quiet words. 

they picked up the towels and shook as much sand off them as possible. they hiked up the beach back to chenle's honda, shoving the stuff in the back. chenle decided to put the backseats down so they could lay properly, and jisung helped. they didn't have any pillows, but that didn't bother any of them. they sat in the back of the car, trunk door lifted, feet dangling out of the back. chenle moved the car so the trunk was facing the beach. 

"i'm sorry for making you come out here," jisung said, sitting up against the inside of the car as chenle laid down. chenle propped himself up on his elbows, looking at jisung with a startled look. jisung didn't create eye contact, instead looking out at the ocean, playing with the drawstring on his shorts.

"you didn't make me, okay? i came out here willingly. i wanted to be with you and spend time with you," chenle ushered out, quick to reassure the young male. jisung looked at him, and chenle couldn't tell if it because of the breeze from the ocean or if he was actually crying. chenle sighed sadly, opening his arms for jisung. jisung shyly moved toward chenle, allowing him to wrap his arms around him. 

"it's okay, sung. i'm here for you. that's what i'm here for. we should go to sleep. we can go swimming in the morning," chenle soothed the younger male, rubbing his hands up and down jisung's back. jisung relaxed into chenle's arms, but eventually laid down with him, chenle's arms protectively wrapping around the younger. jisung breathed in the cool ocean air, feeling more at home. and he wasn't even home. the beach and the back of chenle's car was a home away from home, and that's what jisung loves so much. 

the fact that jisung has someone there for him, even though its around five in the morning, chenle was holding him. it made jisung feel safe, really safe. he wasn't afraid when chenle was around. 

"sleep, punk. love you," chenle mumbled, closing his eyes.

"i will. love you," jisung responded, before he closed his eyes and drifted off, in the warm embrace of chenle.


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i published this yesterday and it already has a decent amount of hits lets goooo

chenle dropped jisung off at his house early in the afternoon, handing the younger his clothes. the two shared an exchange of words, even though no words were spoken. jisung smiled softly at chenle, his way of saying bye. the younger walked up to the porch and turned around when chenle called his name.

"hey, if i can get mark and them to hang out tonight, you wanna join? we can go out to the river," chenle asked, changing the gear shift to drive. jisung thought about it for a minute, but agreed.

"i'd like that, a lot. i'll see you tonight, lele," jisung responded, unlocking his house. chenle honked before driving down the lane and jisung watched him until he was gone. he sighed, stepping into the cozy house. he kicked his shoes off, and went to the laundry room to wash his swimwear. taeil was in the kitchen and he handed the younger a glass of orange juice when he came into the kitchen. jisung took it happily, taking a drink of it.

"how was your time with chenle? and before you ask, i was awake. i figured it was chenle," taeil questioned and for a second jisung thought he was mad. but taeil's expression was caring, as it always is when he talks to jisung.

"it was helpful. i had that dream again last night and jaemin didn't pick up but chenle did. he took me to the beach and we slept in the back of his car. it was nice," jisung smiled, taking a drink of the orange juice again. taeil hummed, reaching up to pet jisung softly. jisung smiled before hugging taeil. taeil hugged him back, but then signaled him to go get a shower. jisung nodded, finishing the juice and putting the glass in the sink. 

he entered his room to find his laundry from the day before neatly folded on his bed and his phone on the charge. it had to have been taeil, there was no one else. and suddenly, jisung was overrun with emotion. he sat down on the bed, resting his face in his hands. taeil was there for him more than his actual parents were. so was mark, donghyuck, renjun, jeno, jaemin, and chenle. parents should be there for their kids. it made jisung feel pathetic, he had to rely on people who weren't his family, even though they say they are his family. but it's different. he shouldn't have to rely on his friends. 

"get it together," jisung mumbled, standing up in a rush and he got dizzy. he had to lean against the headboard until he regained balance. a sigh escaped his mouth. he put his clothes away before checking his phone. he had a few missed calls from jaemin and even more texts from him. his finger hovered over the call button and finally hit it, raising the phone to his ear. 

"oh my god, you don't understand how worried i was," jaemin's voice came in through the phone, worried and a little shaken up. jisung closed his eyes, trying to relax.

"i heard chenle picked you up. i'm so sorry for not answering, i was asleep. he also said he wanted to hang out again tonight. all three of us agreed," jaemin continued, his voice sounding slightly happier, as if he wanted to change the subject. jisung's heart swelled a little; he was looking forward to seeing all them later.

"did you guys hear from mark and hyuck," he asked, putting the phone between his shoulder as he searched his closet for clothes. he would also need to tell taeil, and maybe taeil would invite his friends over. 

"they said they'll come along. i think chenle said something like he'll pick you up around midnight and we'll all meet up at the river," jaemin explained. jisung made a mental note to remember that, although chenle would text him to remind him. 

"okay, i have to tell taeil. can i call you back? i have to shower," jisung asked suddenly, picking up his clothes and heading toward the bathroom. 

"uh, yea, sure. love you," jaemin said, a small hint of laughter in his voice. jisung smiled before reciprocating the words before he finished the call. he placed his phone on the sink and quickly stripped out of his clothes. he turned the shower on, waiting until the water reached a comfortable temperature. he stood under the water, muscles relaxing. he used taeil's shampoo, only because it smelled really nice. he also enjoyed using taeil's body wash, it made his skin soft. 

after contemplating life, he shut the water off and grabbed his towel off the rack. he dried his hair quickly before stepping out and drying the rest of his body off. he eyed the pair of jeans he picked before he decided to wait a little before putting them on. putting on a pair of jeans after a shower is one of the most uncomfortable things. he opted for a pair of shorts, so he wrapped the towel around his waist and ran back to his room to grab them. he forgot the fact that he had laundry in the washer, so he skipped out on the shirt and cleaned up his mess in the bathroom.

"taeil? i forgot to tell you that i'm going out with the guys around midnight. you should invite taeyong and your friends over," jisung called from upstairs, picking up his phone to call jaemin back. he heard taeil say okay then jaemin picked up.

"how was your shower," jaemin questioned, and jisung could hear renjun laugh in the background. he headed downstairs with his phone against his ear. 

"much needed. are we going to go swimming," he asked, heading into the laundry room to put his stuff in the dryer. he threw a dryer sheet in and started it up. they all enjoyed going swimming in the river, because the water was cool, much warmer than the ocean. they also enjoyed making a bonfire and watching the deer and listening to the owls. 

"of course. jeno said he's going out to get alcohol so that'll be there as well. we might even spend the night in the tent donghyuck is going to bring," jaemin replied, a hint of mischief in his tone. jisung found himself smiling at the idea, and he couldn't wait for midnight to get there. spending time with his friends made things better. it distracted him from reality and gave him a sense of freedom, like he can do anything and not be judged by someone. it was his way to unwind and just be himself.

"that sounds fun. i can't wait to spend time with you guys," jisung said and jaemin could practically hear the smile on his face. jisung checked his watch; it read 3:28. jisung sighed hoping the time would go by quickly.

"i think i'm going to take a nap so i can stay awake for a long time," jisung told jaemin, heading upstairs to his bedroom. he closed the door, crawling into bed and turning on his television. he leaned against the headboard, grabbing one of his stuffed animals and putting it on his lap. 

"okay. if you get that nightmare, call me. or jeno or renjun. we're here this time. sleep good, kid. see you in a few hours," jaemin said with certainty, voice soft and loving. jisung smiled softly, saying his thanks and goodbye's before ending the call and putting his phone on the charge. he set an alarm for 11, which would give him some time to get ready. he turned some random show on the television and hugged his stuffed animal before falling asleep. 

_jisung was running, again. he didn't know what from, but he knew it was something horrible. everytime he looked behind himself, there was nothing. no footsteps were heard, except his. he slowed down to a jog before eventually walking. it probably wasn't a good idea. in the distance, he could see a light flickering of a light, or so it seemed to be a light._

_but the more he walked, the further away the light got. it was as if it was an endless hallway, and it was starting to scare the boy. he didn't want to continue, but had hopes. he probably set his hopes too high. suddenly, the light went out, leaving jisung in total darkness. voices started to be heard all around him, saying the same thing over and over: "lonely, pathetic". they got louder and louder as jisung took off running._

jisung bolted up, sweating and panting. he looked at his watch: 9:32. he reached over and shut his alarm off so it didn't go off. he went to the call app and dialed one of the guys, realizing it was renjun when he picked up.

"you okay," renjun's voice asked, soft and smooth like honey. he always had a way with calming all of them down. renjun could be beating up someone for the fun on it one minute and the next could be holding them and comforting them. he was like their backbone, they relied on him. but he also needed them. renjun would get his bad days, just like anyone. and he knew that every single one of the guys would be there for him. they were a close knit family, which all of them needed. 

"had it again. the voices were talking to me, too," jisung sounded broken and scared. his voice was shaky, like he was on the verge of crying. the voices come and go in the dream, and sometimes they say different things. but they always say depressing things, and they convince jisung that he's exactly what those words are.

"what did they say this time, sung," renjun asked, and jisung just wanted to be with someone. he'll go with taeil once he finished this conversation. 

"lonely and pathetic. those were the only two," his voice came out quieter than he thought. it sounded like he was yelling, but he was barely audible. the television was talking about some sort of animal, and he forgot he left his window open so it was chilly in his room. he was trying to bring himself back, to remind himself that the dreams weren't real, but he needed someone to say it for him.

"oh, darling. you are neither of those, okay? you have all of us. you have taeil who more than welcomed you to his home. and, i'm sorry, but it's your parents who are pathetic. they left behind their son, who is the sweetest most lovable boy i know. hell, if i was allowed to i would adopt you. just remember, pumpkin, the dreams aren't real," renjun explained, his voice stern but oddly calming. jisung chuckled when he said he'd adopt him. but now that he thought about it, it's true. he had taeil who allowed him to live there. and he had his friends, who were obviously there for him when needed. 

"we love you, jisung. always have and always will. okay? you better remember that," he heard jeno call out, a smile forming on the young male's face. he enjoyed listening to them; they could be talking about the dumbest thing yet he still loved listening to them. their voices calmed him.

"i remember that. always will. thank you guys, i'm sorry i bothered you. i think i'm going to bother taeil now. see you guys in about three hours," jisung chuckled, his voice sounding more stable than before. he was still shook from the dream, but not as bad as before. he was going to lay with taeil for a little bit just to completely forget about the nightmare.

"you didn't bother. we didn't mind one bit, bub. we'll see you soon," renjun stated, and jeno yelled "i love you." jisung just shook his head, almost embarrassed for calling them his friends. 

"i love you guys too. bye," jisung laughed, waiting until he heard them say bye before hanging up. he stretched, standing up to go close his window and head downstairs. taeil was in the living room, drinking a mug of tea and watching television. jisung sat on the couch next to him, resting his head on the older's shoulders. taeil rested his head on the younger's.

"it happened again," jisung explained, and taeil just hummed. he already knew. most of the time, jisung goes to him when he takes naps during the day. when it happens at night, most of the time his friends pick him up and take him out. but this time, jisung just wanted to be with taeil. taeil was the parent figure in his life, so he knew he could go to him at a time like this. 

"you feel better, though," taeil asked, handing jisung the mug of tea. jisung happily took it, taking a drink of it. it was both of their favorite: honey and lemon. it was a combination of flavors that merged together almost perfectly. he handed the mug back before going back to resting on taeil's shoulder.

"who are you inviting over tonight," jisung asked, curiosity in his voice. taeil hummed in thought before responding.

"i was thinking doyoung, yuta, taeyong, johnny, and kun," taeil responded, and jisung perked up upon hearing kun's name. jisung thoroughly enjoyed when kun would do his magic tricks and even begged him to teach him some one day. kun couldn't resist so he said he would.

"will they be spending the night," the black haired boy asked, smiling when taeil nodded. jisung decided that when he came back the next day that he'll finally get that magic lesson he's been waiting for. they didn't talk after that, both of them just watching a comedy on tv, which distracted jisung. and before he knew it, it was 11:15, and he needed to get ready.

"i'm going to go pack. i'm staying the night with them. i'll be back in the morning or so, just make sure kun stays. i need my lesson from him," jisung clicked his tongue as he walked upstairs, grabbing some random articles of clothing and shoving them into his bag. he packed his toothbrush and toothpaste, and also his earbuds and charger. he changed from his shorts and put on his ripped skinny jeans and a white shirt, tucking it into the pants. he carried his shoes down the stairs and placed them by the door. 

taeil insisted that he eat something before going out, so jisung settled for some ramen. he ate it, taking his time as he wasn't in that big of a rush. he put his dishes in the sink and checked his watch. he had about ten more minutes and at that moment chenle texted him, reminding him. jisung responded with an "i'm already waiting" and decided it was best if he waited outside. 

"i'm going to wait outside. i'll see you tomorrow," jisung called to taeil. taeil hugged him, handing him his bag. jisung smiled before stepping out. he turned back real quick to grab his eyes, then went back outside. he slipped his shoes on once out there. it was the best night to go swimming. it was humid and muggy, and swimming would really make it feel better. he heard a car off on the distance, and figured it would be chenle. and it was.

"hey there, punk. throw your stuff in the back," chenle said cheerfully, unlocking the doors. jisung complied, opening the back door and putting his bag in the back. he closed the door and climbed into the front seat, greeted by a smiley chenle. it was contagious, and jisung couldn't help but smile. chenle put the car in reverse and backed up before putting it into drive and going up the driveway.

"the rest of the guys are already there," chenle informed the younger, who nodded. the drive to the river was about ten minutes. jisung reached into the console to grab the pack of cigarettes before pulling the lighter from the glove box. he lit it, taking the first drag from it. he chuckled as he handed it to chenle, who happily took it. they sat in silence, minus the wind blowing due to the windows being rolled down. 

they arrived at the river shortly after they finished the cigarette; the bonfire was already going. jisung felt a smile form on his face. chenle shut the car off, stepping out in sync with jisung. jaemin was the first to hug him, an bottle of beer in his hand. the rest of the guys joined, greeting the youngest ones. 

"we made sure to establish that no one is going swimming if they are drinking, so that removes jaemin and donghyuck from the water," jeno said, giving the two a playful glare. donghyuck flipped him off before resting his head on mark's shoulder. jisung went to the backseat to get out his bag and to fetch his swimwear. he went behind chenle's car to change quickly. he came back, throwing his clothes in the bag. the other guys besides chenle were already changed, so they waited until he was changed to get in the water. 

"gosh, it's nice. not too cold or too warm," renjun laughed, splashing some water ashore to jaemin and donghyuck. jaemin laughed, getting near the water to splash some back, but never fully entering the water. jeno walked forward and kissed renjun before splashing him with water. jisung watched it all unfold and chenle decided to join in. mark and jisung watched, both of them shaking their heads. it wasn't until chenle grabbed both of their wrists was when they were doomed. 

"you two losers, have fun," chenle exclaimed, splashing them. mark laughed before he pushed chenle playfully. jisung decided to join in, and he could hear jaemin and donghyuck's laughter from the shore. the moon was once again shining down on all of them, and it made jisung feel even more alive. they continued playing in the water until they got bored and they all went back to shore. they sat around the bonfire, mark playing his guitar as they all sang. 

they all were already drinking, and chenle was a little tipsy. he ended grabbing hold of jisung's hands, even though he didn't realize he was doing it. jaemin and renjun were making out as jeno laid on donghyuck's lap. everyone was content, at peace with the world. jisung pulled out a cigarette; he took the packet out of chenle's car when he wasn't looking, and lit it. he didn't entirely want to share. then again, no one cared. he smoked it, occasionally letting chenle take a drag.

"do any of you know how to put up a tent," donghyuck called out into the night, everyone looking in his direction. all of them shook their heads, but decided to help. after man failed attempts and getting stabbed a few times, the tent was up, and they were piling into it. it was slightly cramped, so jisung and chenle decided to go into his car again. but before that, they went on a walk along the shore. chenle was still holding onto jisung's hands, but it was more for support as he was a little wobbly.

"this is nice. i'm enjoying this," chenle mumbled, leaning down to pick up a random rock and throw it into the river. jisung chuckled, it was just a little obvious. 

"i know. but we should head back and get you to bed. you're starting to get unsteady," jisung said, hand around his waist to support him. chenle nodded, letting jisung help carry him back to the camp. the bonfire has died down, and he could hear the other guys talking in the tent. they walked over to the car, and crawled in. they left the trunk door open again before settling in. 

"this was fun. we should go swimming in the morning," jisung said as chenle laid down. chenle hummed his agreement before sitting back up and pulling jisung down with him. jisung didn't object, instead getting comfortable in his arms. they smelled like smoke and alcohol, but it was oddly soothing for jisung. 

"sleep well, punk," chenle mumbled, barely audible.

"you, too, loser."


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i-i think i have fallen in love with hendery

jisung awoke some time later due to the nightmare. chenle was passed out on his stomach, one hand resting on jisung's thigh. slowly and gently, jisung removed chenle off him, getting up and hopping out of the car. he stretched, his muscles sore from sleeping on a hard surface. the air was still as cool as earlier; jisung guessed it was around four. the fire was completely out but the smell still lingered. 

he heard an owl off in the distance, which was both calming and eerie. he walked down to the shore, going out until the water lapped at his thighs. the stars danced in the sky as the moon stood still. it amazed jisung how small earth was compared to the universe. there were stars much bigger than the sun, and even more galaxies than their own. but it also scared him. the fact that one day the earth was going to get engulfed by the sun and every living thing will be dead. it made jisung want to appreciate the smaller things more.

"sung? you alright," jaemin's voice was gentle, not too loud but just loud enough to be heard. jisung didn't turn around to face him but he didn't need to. the elder came up beside him, a nice silence surrounding them. jaemin reached next to him to grab hold of jisung's hand. their hands intertwined, and it helped to ground the younger. they stood like that for a while, the water hitting their hands after a while. 

"what are you afraid of, nana," jisung asked, hand tightening slightly against jaemin's. jaemin looked at the younger with a slightly shocked expression but answered the question anyway. 

"well, i'm afraid of losing those i love. like you, chenle, mark and hyuck, and my two boys and my family. i'm also afraid that one day we'll all die and no one will remember us," jaemin's voice got quieter as he spoke. jisung felt a pang in his heart for his friend. it was true, that no one will remember them once they died. no one will even be alive once they all die. everything everyone worked hard for will be a waste. and that's really sad and scary once jisung thought about it.

"i can't imagine not living a world without you guys," jisung responded, voice coming out weaker than intended. jaemin hugged him quickly, arms wrapping tightly and protectively around him. jisung sighed, trying his hardest to hold his tears back. the grip jaemin had on his waist was oddly comforting, the feeling of being against another body. 

and before he even thought it through, he looked up and kissed the elder, not realizing he was crying. but as quickly as it started, jisung jumped back, realizing what he just did before turning around and running towards chenle's car. jaemin tried to call out but found that it was useless. jisung crawled into the car, closing the trunk door as quietly as possible. he sat against the door, trying to keep his sniffles down to not wake chenle.

from where he was sitting, he could see jaemin. he walked out of the river and sat on one of the logs surrounding the bonfire. he had his face in his hands and jisung had to look away. he couldn't believe he just did that. jaemin was going to tell everyone and they were going to hate him. jisung let out a sob before attempting to hold it in. chenle opened one eye, focused on jisung for a couple seconds before he was wide awake, holding jisung in his arms.

"what's wrong, sung," chenle's asked, rocking the younger one side to side in an attempt to calm him down. jisung waited until he caught his breath to tell chenle, even though he didn't entirely want to. 

"i-i kissed jaemin. i don't know why i did it, i just did," jisung was barely audible, his throat sore from crying and tired from crying. he sounded frightened, like he made the biggest mistake that could ever be made. 

"shh, it's alright. they won't be mad. and if they are, just know i'm not. if anything happens, its you and i against them. not to mention taeil, too. taeil is always there for you," chenle tried his best to reassure jisung, who was starting to relax in his arms. jisung kept his chin on chenle's shoulder, legs around chenle's waist as he sat on chenle's lap. chenle kept a comforting hand on his back, the other messing with the hair on jisung's nape. it didn't matter that jisung was taller than him, so it was a little uncomfortable. what did matter was that jisung was comfortable and felt safe. 

"i don't think i want to see them tomorrow. can you just say i'm asleep when it's time to leave? i'll face them at another time," jisung asked, leaning back to look chenle in the eyes. chenle raised his hand up to wipe away the tears on the younger's face. he left his hands there, another method of grounding for jisung. 

"yea, sure. i'll tell them. you and i can hang out somewhere afterwards if you want. i'll drop you off at home, you get rested, then we go out again," chenle suggested, and jisung swore he could see galaxies in his friends eyes. they shared silent words again and in the words jisung thanked chenle, for being the one person who would listen and not judge him. who was there when jisung needed him, and even when he didn't need him. he thanked him for being him, the zhong chenle jisung knows so well.

"go to sleep. i'll be here in the morning, or whenever you want to wake up. i'll let the guys know you aren't feeling well. trust me," chenle promised, gesturing for jisung to lay his head on his shoulder. jisung did, arms going slack and hung loosely from chenle's shoulders. chenle wrapped his arms around jisung's waist, relaxing. jisung closed his eyes, and soon fell into the first peaceful sleep he's had in a while. 

─────────────

the sun shone into jisung's closed eyes and all he wanted to do was to close them tighter. after failed attempts, he decided to just open them. he lifted his head slowly, almost forgetting he was sitting on chenle's lap. 

"morning, sunshine. told you i wouldn't leave. how'd you sleep," chenle smiled, in a much happier mood than the serious one last night. jisung rolled his eyes but smiled.

"the best sleep i've had in a while. still don't want to face them," jisung slowly got off chenle, his legs cramped from having them practically crossed for hours. jisung stretched them, feeling as the blood got back to circulating. chenle huffed cutely before doing the same. renjun and mark's laughter rang out, which relieved jisung a little. it means jaemin didn't tell them yet. he probably will, just not so soon. 

"hey, two lover boys, breakfast," donghyuck's voice rang out. chenle just opened the back of the car before heading in their direction. jisung laid down, going back to think about his actions from last night. how lonely and sad he'd been. how happy he felt with jaemin standing next to him. how caught up in the moment he was when he kissed him. how much guilt he felt when he ran back to the car. how pathetic he felt when chenle comforted him. 

"i'm fucking pathetic," he said to himself before turning on his side just to stare at a fiber in the carpeting of the car. chenle returned a few minutes later, bowls of cereal in his hand. he frowned upon seeing jisung in a dazed state. he touched the younger male gently on the leg, jolting jisung back to reality.

"lucky charms. your favorite," he smiled as he handed over the bowl, jisung sitting up to take it. chenle seemed to have taken most of the marshmallows and put them in jisung's bowl. jisung smiled a little before taking a spoonful, humming at the taste. he and chenle ate in silence, although chenle moved to sit next to him halfway through eating. their knees were touching and it was those subtle touches that made jisung feel comfortable, like he was at home. 

"i told them you weren't feeling good. jaemin looked worried but didn't say anything," chenle broke the silence after they were done, hand resting comfortably on jisung's knee. jisung just stared at his hand, mind not processing much at the moment. chenle was also staring at his hand on jisung's knee; it was like they were at a loss for words. 

"i'm sorry," jisung eventually croaked out. he was not going to let himself cry like a baby again in front of his friend. he wanted to seem strong, like he could handle some things on his own. chenle looked at him, eyebrows slightly furrowed, his eyes scanning jisung's face. both of their heads hurt from both drinking and the fact that they were up for prolonged time during the night.

"i'm sorry for constantly needing your help and comfort. for not being able to do things on my own. i like to think i don't need people to help me. that the only person who can help me is me. i like to think i'm strong. but, after what happened last night, that just proves i'm not. and i'm sorry," and jisung's voice never cracked, wasn't shaky or weak. it was strong, although it lacked confidence. chenle stared at him in disbelief, not being able to comprehend the fact that jisung thought that. 

"shut up, jisung. you know perfectly well i don't mind you. i actually love having you around. i feel like the more you come to me, the closer you and i get. you trust me, and i trust you just as much. everyone needs someone, and i'm your someone. and i wouldn't trade that for the world. now, give me your bowl so i can go return it, hop in the front, and lets go," chenle said sternly, leaving jisung in a shock. he gave him his bowl and chenle booped his nose before hopping back out of the car. 

jisung climbed over the seats until he got to the front of the car. he looked out to his friends. they were all laughing, enjoying their time. jaemin and him created eye contact, and jisung swore he felt tears build up behind his eyes. he tore his gaze away, praying that chenle would get back. chenle came back not a minute later, making sure they had everything before turning the car on and driving away from the river. 

"want a cigarette," chenle asked, pulling the box out. jisung was confused because he could've sworn he'd taken the box yesterday, but agreed nonetheless. they shared the cigarette, even though chenle insisted jisung needed it more than he did. jisung just shook his head, but continued to smoke it. he knew it could possibly kill him, but he didn't care at the moment. then again, there are so many things that could kill him. he could die right now with chenle in the car. he looked over at his friend, one hand on the steering wheel and the other hanging out the window. 

they smoked one more together, which is something they don't typically do. they usually just smoke one, but today was different. neither of them could figure it out, but something was different. in a good way. it was almost like chenle and jisung became bonded. they were before, but this time it feels official. almost like a spiritual bonding. they were closer than yesterday, that's for sure. 

chenle pulled the car into taeil's driveway, and jisung suddenly remembered kun. he mentally slapped himself; how could he forget? he just hoped that taeil kept him there until he came home. 

"oh shit, i forgot kun was staying to teach me a magic trick. if he's still there do you want to see him," jisung asked just as the house came into sight. and sitting there in the sun was kun's jeep. jisung let out a sigh of relief, and he heard chenle start laughing next to him. 

"what? what's so funny," jisung asked, unbuckling his seat belt. chenle lifted his hand, a signal to wait as he continued to laugh. jisung just looked at him, shaking his head in disbelief. 

"i find it funny because you were so worried about the thing with jaemin and now you're worried about magic and kun," chenle shut the car off, still losing it. jisung still didn't understand what was so goddamn funny, but let it go anyway. he decided it was best to let chenle laugh. he took his stuff out of the back of the car before he headed in the direction of the house. it was unlocked and chenle followed him in. kun and taeil were practically cuddling on the couch, a scene neither of them were expecting. 

"ah, hello kun," and chenle lost it again. jisung shot him a look which shut him up. kun and taeil looked at them before they kicked their shoes off, running upstairs, laughing. they ran to jisung's room, falling on the bed next to each other. it took them a few minutes to get their giggles out.

"that was funny and i have no clue why," jisung laughed, wiping some tears that have formed from laughing. chenle did the same before they created eye contact and started laughing again. they sat up, catching their breath before they both stood up to go back downstairs. the two haven't moved from their position even as jisung and chenle entered the room. 

"are you still up for teaching me that trick? chenle wants to know it, too," jisung cheekily said, reaching behind to pinch chenle's thigh to shut him up. chenle stood up straighter, whacking jisung's hands. kun looked at taeil with a smile before sitting up. jisung's smile grew as kun stood up, leading the two of them into the kitchen. he pulled out a deck of cards, and began teaching them how to do the trick.

"you really are a magician, kun! amazing," chenle couldn't believe his eyes. kun was able to pick the card chenle wrote his name on, and jisung wasn't able to understand how he did it. kun just smiled, putting his cards back together and putting them back in the box. chenle and jisung shared a look of disbelief before looking in kun's direction. he was hugging taeil goodbye, a smile on taeil's face. jisung and chenle smirked but didn't do anything. 

"thanks for teaching us again," chenle said as kun left, jisung standing behind him. kun waved to them before hopping into his car. they waved until kun drove down the driveway and disappeared from sight. the moment he was gone, jisung and chenle turned to face taeil. taeil just shrugged before closing the door, leaving the two boys outside, confused looks on their faces. 

"now what," chenle asked, sitting on the porch next to jisung. they sun was hotter than usual today, and jisung didn't hesitate to remove his shirt. his skin was darker than before due to spending a little bit more time outside. chenle followed, their shirts forming a pile on the gravel driveway. they sat in silence, the sun boring into their skin, warming it up. they were sure they were going to get burnt, but they didn't care at the moment. 

chenle hesitantly reached over and grabbed jisung's hand, intertwining their fingers together. jisung looked at their hands then at chenle. chenle didn't look up but the blush on his face was obvious. jisung smiled softly before going back to looking at the trees. the birds were singing, the wind was blowing a little, and the sun was hot. jisung closed his eyes to really focus, and he felt chenle tighten his hold. and they stayed out there until taeil came back with sunscreen.


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i lied i love yangyang... and xiaojun... and hendery....

"but, taeil, we're fine," jisung complained as taeil reapplied sunscreen for the upteenth time. taeil just shook his head as chenle laughed. taeil joined them outdoors, ten joining them as well. it was around 3 and the sun was even hotter than before. jisung's skin was red from the exposure and so was chenle's. jisung was laying on his stomach on a blanket, his head resting on his folded arms. chenle was connecting the freckles that dusted the younger's shoulders. every so often, chenle would trail his finger down jisung's spine then back up. it made shivers run up jisung's spine every time he did it. 

"this is nice," chenle sighed as he laid down next to jisung, head resting on his arms as well. jisung hummed, looking at his friend. chenle had his eyes closed, his skin glowing in the sun. his skin was about the same shade as jisung's. chenle had a few freckles on both his face and shoulders which jisung thought was really pretty. chenle hated them, but jisung was always quick to shut him up about it. sometimes he would count them, losing count the longer he looked at chenle. 

"yea, it is," jisung replied as he turned over, the sun feeling really warm on his torso. he threw an arm over his eyes to block out the sun, the other laying at his side. he heard ten and taeil talking, although he didn't know what they were talking about. eventually, chenle rolled over onto his back, blindly looking for jisung's hand. he found it and held it, not saying a word. jisung took note because chenle was being more touchy than usual. sure, they would cuddle and stuff like that, but the hand holding for no reason was new. 

the younger boy eventually fell asleep due to the heat. he surprisingly didn't have the nightmare, maybe because he was with people he trusted and wasn't alone. when he woke back up, chenle was still holding his hand. the sun had since moved in the sky, and the trees were creating shade for them. they were able to look up at the sky and not have to block their eyes. even though they were in the shade, it was still hot out.

"hello, morning glory. you're a little red on the chest," chenle pointed out, but jisung couldn't help but blush a little at the new nickname. chenle laughed, sitting up. jisung joined after a couple of seconds, propping himself up on his elbows. chenle was right, the sun got him pretty good on his chest. he sighed, hoping his aloe plant was still alive in his room.

"still wanna go to the beach tonight, punk," chenle lowered his voice a little, reaching forward to poke jisung in the stomach. jisung giggled cutely before nodding his head. chenle smiled, standing up to go the house. he high fived ten as he walked in. jisung flopped back down onto his back, hand resting on his torso. he heard the door click closed and he perked his head up. 

"here's some water. you need to stay hydrated, loser," chenle smiled softly, handing jisung the cold glass. jisung hummed his thanks, taking a long drink of it, nearly downing the whole glass in one go. chenle looked at him shocked before sitting down next to him. jisung just laughed, raising his glass to clink it with chenle's.

"to you, dear chenle," jisung whispered, forehead going to rest against chenle's. chenle laughed cutely, closing his eyes. they drank the rest of the water, both of them knowing they'll be drinking later on that night. chenle just needed to go to jeno's and get some. they kept their foreheads together until taeil called their names, signalling it was time to go inside. they agreed, they've been in the sun for a long time.

"hey, i think i'm going to head out. i'll ask jeno and see if he says yes, then i'll swing back around to get you. promise," chenle whispered once inside, hand somehow finding it's way to jisung's waist. jisung nodded, arms wrapping around himself for some unknown reason. 

"you don't even need to promise. i know you'll never leave me hanging," jisung whispered; they were having their own little moment again. one of those moments when they were whispering when they didn't have to, when it was just the two of them. like it was just the two of them left on the earth. these moments showed how strong they were bonded, like nothing was going to break it. 

"you betcha, baby. alright, i'm gonna go. i'll see you later. bye," chenle winked, booping jisung on the nose before walking out of the house. jisung sighed slowly, listening as chenle started up his car. jisung was starting to get confused about chenle. he couldn't tell if he liked him or if it's just because they've been friends for so long. he decided it wasn't worth thinking about, that maybe one day everything will settle down and jisung won't think things like that anymore. 

and he thought about why he kissed jaemin. he didn't nor doesn't feel any attraction towards him. none whatsoever. he just needed to feel _something_. he trusted jaemin in the moment. he wasn't thinking when he did it. he sort of forgot everything right then and there. and now he regrets everything he did, he thinks he fucked everything up between them all.

but not between him and chenle. chenle wasn't mad, he was comforting. he was there to offer his support and open arms. he was there for jisung just when the younger thought he ruined everything. chenle stayed by his side, even if jisung didn't feel he deserved that loyalty. 

he sighed again, straightening his posture and walking upstairs to hop in the shower to get the sunblock and sweat washed off him. he sat in the shower for a while, staring at a small crack in the tiles, his mind blank. it was the knock on the door that finally snapped him back to his senses.

"jisung? are you alright, pumpkin," ten's voice was muffled because of the door. jisung quickly stood up from where he was sitting in the tub, shutting the water off. 

"yea, yea i'm fine. do you need the shower," jisung called back, shaking his head at himself as he dried his hair with his towel, wrapping it around his waist. he didn't grab any clothes; he was too caught up in his thoughts before he walked into the bathroom. 

"no, no, you were in there for close to half an hour, we were worried," ten said softly, a thud being heard against the door as ten rested his head against it. jisung couldn't believe he sat in the tub for half an hour and didn't even notice it. he shook his head then walked to the door, hand on the doorknob. he opened it, and there was ten, a worried expression on his face. 

"aw, darling. is everything okay? something seems off about you," ten asked, leading the younger into his room. jisung sat on his bed, not even caring to find something to change in to. he'll wash his sheets later. ten sat next to him, scanning jisung's face closely. they sat in silence for a while as jisung mustered up the courage to tell ten what happened. 

"so last night while i was out with the guys, i woke up again because of the nightmare. i went out into the river, just trying to clear my mind and ground myself. i started feeling lonely thinking about space and death and the sort. jaemin joined me, he held my hand as he always does. i was caught up in the moment and i kissed him. i fucked up so badly, ten," jisung's voice gradually went quieter as he talked and he sort of caved in on himself. 

"sweetheart, oh. i'm so sorry. it happens, babe, it happens. and i could tell chenle didn't care. he stayed with you the whole time you were asleep. you didn't fuck up bad enough to lose him. you still have him and i. i don't know if you want to tell taeil or not," ten hummed, tapping jisung's thigh gently. jisung had no choice but to nod; ten was right. he didn't fuck up bad enough to lose chenle. chenle was still here. and so was ten. they were still here and they weren't mad at him.

"i just don't want to face them. jaemin probably told them all and i really don't want to know what they have to say," jisung mumbled, falling backwards onto his bed. ten followed suit, staring at the ceiling. 

"understandable. but just know: if they end up being mad at you for something that is normal, then they don't deserve you. stick with chenle, though. he'll always be there for you," ten turned his head to face jisung, who was staring at the ceiling, counting the many glow in the dark stars that danced above them. ten went back to counting them as well until jisung spoke up.

"you're right. even if i lose them i'm not losing everyone. i have you guys here that i can trust," jisung smiled, eyes still locked on the ceiling. ten hummed, rolling over to quickly peck jisung on the cheek before getting off his bed. 

"correct, sugar. now get some clothes on. i'm going out with taeil to some shitty movie he wanted to see. he dragged me into it because kun didn't want to go. my luck. love you," ten shot finger guns in the younger's direction, causing jisung to chuckle lightly.

"have fun. love you, too," jisung laughed, waving as ten walked down the stairs. jisung rolled his eyes, a small smile dancing onto his face. he stood up and decided to grab some clothes. a pair of boxers, denim shorts, and a white sleeveless top. he threw his towel back into the bathroom, not caring to hang it back up on the towel rack. he flung himself on his bed, picking up his remote and turned the television on. 

he heard his phone buzz and he reached over to check it.

**jaemin**  
_hey sunflower. i wanted to tell you that i am not mad at you._  
_not one bit. i would've said this in_  
_person but i could tell you didn't want to talk_  
_i dont want you to beat yourself up over something_  
_like that. it's natural, and you needed something_  
_i miss you. just, text or call whenever you feel comfortable. ily_

jisung reread the messages over and over again. he knew jaemin was telling the truth, jaemin was never one to lie, especially to jisung. jisung wanted to respond, and thought it about it over and over. in the end, he wasn't ready to talk to him, even if it was just messaging. he put his phone back on the nightstand before going back to watching a show about giraffes. 

before he knew it, he heard a knock on the door. he ran down the stairs and opened it, and there stood chenle with a pack of beer and the biggest smile on his face. jisung smiled back, holding up a finger as he ran back upstairs. chenle let himself in but didn't get comfortable. he just waited until jisung got everything he needed. shortly after jisung ran up the stairs, he was back down them, his backpack slung over his shoulder. 

"i sent a text to taeil and ten. they said for us to have fun," jisung smiled, waving his phone. chenle gave him a thumbs up before gesturing for jisung to leave. jisung grabbed the keys hanging by the door and waited until chenle left in order to lock the door. he shoved the keys into the side of his backpack before throwing in the backseat of chenle's car. he climbed in the passenger seat, the familiar smell of the car engulfing him.

"let's go to the beach, baby," chenle smirked, putting the car into drive and driving up the driveway; he finally figured it was best to turn around before he picked up jisung. the beer was in the backseat under the blankets chenle brought along, sitting patiently to be drunk. jisung couldn't wait to just unwind, not have to worry about much of anything tonight.

"we can smoke once we get there, mkay, darling," chenle said, one hand on the steering wheel as the other rested on the center console. jisung felt something in his stomach at that moment. it wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't pleasant at the same time. he felt light, like he was flying. jisung didn't know if it was because of the nickname or just because of the moment. he shrugged it off, watching as the scenery passed them. 

"i came prepared this time. blankets and pillows and snacks. the night is ours," chenle smiled, that one smile that was dedicated to jisung only. it was like their smile; they had a certain smile for each other. it sounded dumb, but to them it made perfect sense.

"ya know what we remind me of," chenle asked, bring his right hand up to run his fingers through his hair. 

"what do we remind you of," jisung asked, already feeling relaxed; his mood changed a lot since earlier in the day. chenle chuckled as he turned down the road that lead to the beach. 

"we remind me of one of those cliche couples on sitcoms. like the ones that do everything together. but take it back to like the 80's. during the punk era," chenle chuckled as he pulled up to the beach. the tide was out, but jisung didn't entirely want to swim. maybe later? he'll think about it.

"so we remind you of a punk era couple," jisung asked as he took his stuff out of the back once chenle parked the car. chenle hummed, instantly opening a beer and chugging half of it in one go. jisung decided to finish the other half as chenle walked down to the beach. they drink their beer like they smoke their cigarettes. together. they share a can and keep going until they can't drink anything else. 

"yea, but the pretty gay ones," chenle chuckled, walking out into the water. although jisung didn't want to get in the water, he didn't want to leave chenle up there. so he joined him, sharing the beer occasionally. 

"maybe we are a pretty, gay, 80's punk era couple," jisung laughed, taking a big drink of the beer. he grimaced at it for a split second before finishing it, holding it instead of throwing it into the ocean. 

"maybe we are," chenle giggled, splashing some water at jisung. jisung kicked some back before he turned around to throw the can away and to get another. he heard chenle behind him, running to catch up. jisung opened another can, taking a sip of it, handing it over to chenle. chenle smiled, drinking a few times, making sure to save some for jisung. 

after about one more, chenle was tipsy. he was starting to get sappy as he did when he was drunk. jisung wasn't there just yet; he had a pretty good tolerance to alcohol. jisung was drinking the can chenle opened while chenle laid on his lap. one of jisung's hands was in his hair, playing with the soft strands. 

"have you ever thought about us," chenle asked, looking up at jisung with sparkling eyes. jisung looked down at him, he guessed it was the alcohol talking, but went along with it nonetheless.

"like, us? in us being a thing," jisung responded, to which chenle nodded. jisung kept his hand in chenle's hair, his other hand on the can. he took a long drink of it, not totally finishing it. 

"yea, i've thought about it. a few times," jisung admitted, feeling the heat build up on his face. chenle giggled softly, hand reaching up to poke jisung's cheeks. 

"good. me too. hey, this could be the alcohol talking, but you should totally kiss me," chenle mumbled, looking up at jisung with hopeful eyes. jisung stared back into them, not knowing what to do. he didn't want to kiss chenle if he wasn't sober, but then again, he didn't know if he'll ever get the opportunity again. at the same time, though, the thought that everything could go to shit if he did kiss chenle was there. 

"no matter what happens, promise you won't leave me," jisung asked quietly, slowly leaning down; he could hear his heart beating in his ears. chenle kept his arms at his sides, not knowing where to place them.

"i don't need to promise. you know i'll never leave you, punk," chenle mumbled back, and that finalized it for jisung. he closed the gap between them and got that feeling he felt earlier. chenle tasted like beer but there was a faint taste of lemonade. a weird mixture; it screamed chenle. it lasted for only a few seconds before jisung pulled back, panic starting to set in.

"that was nice, loser. i can get used to that. now, let us sleep. i'm going to need to be sober tomorrow," chenle said, grabbing pillows and blankets. jisung finished the rest of the beer before laying down next to chenle, who cuddled up against the taller boy. 

"night night, sung."

"night night, lele."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so ten is that loving friend that always has a cute ass nickname alright  
> also let me live about them kissing it's just platonic for now don't worry abt it i'm not trying to rush this i swear


End file.
